Tantra… what comes to your mind when you hear this word? The image that came to me before I started my research on this subject was that of a pair of lovers, face to face, locked in a tight sexual embrace. With barely any outward visible movement, they carry on for hours in super-orgiastic bliss.
How accurate was that picture? Can anyone practice Tantra, or do you have to be double jointed, sit cross legged under a Banyan tree, and eat nothing but rice for 10-years first? Get ready, we’re going to pull the covers off Tantra and Tantric sex. After all… what’s under the covers is always a lot of fun!
The philosophy of this 1,500 year love making tradition stems from its two Sanskrit roots: “Tanoi”; which means expand; and “Trayati,” which means tool. Thus, Tantra can be translated as a “tool for expansion.” The tool is your physical being, and what you are seeking to expand is your consciousness.
Ok, that sounds mildly interesting. According to spiritual leader and author Michael Mirdad, Tantra is really about sacred sexuality. That sounds extremely interesting! As Mirdad explains: “It’s about experiencing levels of ecstatic bliss and unconditional love… and bringing these experiences into our daily lives.” Who wouldn’t want to experience ecstatic bliss and unconditional love in their everyday life?
According to the tenets of Tantra, ‘typical’ sexual experiences tend to focus on the end result – orgasm. Tantra asks us to experience orgasm not as a utilitarian mechanical goal, but rather as a delicious outcome of our lovemaking… a cosmic eruption and divine experience in Tantric terms.
By letting go of our normal goal-oriented sexual practice, we can open the door to a new, more engaged and connected sexual awareness.
So how do you start with this love practice? Actually, there are no pre-qualifications other than being open-hearted, open-minded, and willing to give it a try. When practicing Tantra we focus on our partner and our partner’s pleasure. We seek the erotic connection … touching each other’s bodies… and souls.
As you begin to experiment with Tantric sex, try to be ‘fully present’ in the moment. This deepens intimacy with our partners… and that’s what enhances physical and mental pleasure. The main idea of being ‘present in the moment’ is simple, but takes patience and practice. Go ahead, practice… a lot!
Try to be ‘present’ with your partner, regardless of the sexual position you’re in. Rather than closing your eyes and disappearing into a private fantasy world (you can do that next time), acknowledge each other by looking into each other’s eyes… as you’re making love. Looking into your lover’s eyes creates a ‘soul connection’ that extends beyond the physical dimension into something far deeper and special.
Keep practicing. Make sure your partner is the main focus of your energy – the key element in Tantra. If your mind drifts off (“did I leave the car lights on?”), gently bring yourself back into the moment. Use all your senses to get involved. Don’t worry if you burst into giggles along the way… relax, connect, fall into the moment… and move slowly. It may feel awkward at first. But keep your heart open… vulnerability is key in Tantra. Vulnerability helps the flow of tantric energy… vulnerability opens your heart!
Ecstatic bliss and unconditional love in everyday life… now that’s what I call a truly great destination! Don’t just give Tantra sex a single try… open your heart… practice diligently… and you can get there!
For more tips, tools and resources for deepening passion and intimacy in your relationship, please visit Bring Back Desire.
© 2012 Ande Lyons, Bring Back Desire, LLC